I am the meekest and sickest cynic Defective, bleak shadows tower monolithic Nothing is real in living to die Stagnant choke to which all turn a blind eye Fashioned misfortune, cognitive contortion Purpose succumb to the harshest distortion In my reflection, the eyes are aghast The adjacent me, my own iconoclast I am at the mercy of a force unknown Abhorring what I am, what I am is alone Void of esteem and any notion of control Nostalgic for nothingness, ejecting the soul The change within me could never be traced A minute of color, then ruin is embraced How could I trust in such instability? As I pine away over the adjacent me I’m face to face with my futility Reaching to reclaim a fragment of sanity Something amiss in going it alone Something awry where nothing is my own Void of esteem and any notion of control Severing from sanity and severing from soul Living in my ruin but dreaming in the skies Escaping its color by closing my eyes

[I. RETCHING NECROPOLIS] Lost in space Lost in time Sanity replaced By a new paradigm Awaken to debris Upon a foreign land A new reality A new world at hand A world as empty as me Necropolis retching A birth, an upheaval, an admission Daybreak upon an ill fated inquisition Conceived in chaos, a violent séance Infinitesimal link conjoining eons Fertile is the mind, titans reap and sow Akin with pain, yet seeds they tend are woe This cycle of contempt is the subtlest bane Begin again, feeling my loss as your gain Time is father to truth, its mother is a mind Time reins in imagination, let it be confined Such is mania in worlds of emptiness Time finds such a world, veneers plenteous Instilled within our spawn was the hollowing Necessary to ensure their blindest following Like genetics, it was always present Youth was laughable, envied, then absent Nautically naive Cast to an island on an ocean planet My depth perception deceived My nihilistic enchantment Disappearing down the existential void Juvenile spells die as new ones deploy I’ve come so far to find The truth won’t set you free Ipecac for the soul Reality is culled, null, and dull Ayahuasca to the dead Where life is but neuronal, lost in my head (Lost in my head) Ipecac for the soul Disillusioned, I sell control For an island in the poison world Of consciousness unfurled Scarcest are the pleasures Days for desperate measures Is this an age of uncertainty Or is it just me? Necropolis retching A recluse of the psyche, liquid universe Nightfall upon the once avid, now adverse Lines blur between the stoic and the nihilist Lucid dream rent asunder, ambition eyeless The desolate one flew too close to the sun To bask in the glory of battles never won This hell is perfected and insulated Turbid borders of the realm I’ve curated Plaguing all I see What might never be All my empathy And my apathy Conjoin within this sea The unabashed me Conjoin within my throat Contorted symbiote Ipecac for the soul Everything is culled, null, and dull Ayahuasca to the dead Alive, but hardly living, lost in my head Sought to grasp, sought to know Alone now dies the inner glow Just as innocence and bewilderments An epoch spent solitary in this wilderness Fifteen spent in swelling cacophony Five more adrift through forlorn insanity Never let them in, couldn’t if I tried Twenty years cowering within my mind One score for the island’s gallows Twenty revolutions masquerading pain Paranoid, anxious, one with my throes Twenty years suffering with nothing gained And one with my fear Truth won’t set you free [II. IPECAC FOR THE SOUL] I’m wasting away As I waste each day When youth embraces ruin How does nobody look in the mirror? When living loses meaning How does death still evoke fear? At the furthest reaches of knowledge And imagination Disillusionment yet seizes Once animated aspirations Now purpose is to be dismissed Illusioned ladders beyond this abyss The spawn, aimless in brooding coexistence I craved respite from the stale consistence Wells of knowledge in the isle’s seclusion Deep thought conducts the dark’s intrusion The seeds were sown here so many years ago A creature’s anguish is their’s to bestow Maxim to this cycle: do unto others Agony engorges ‘til sanity it smothers Apprehension yields self captivity In vain severance, the poison is swallowed These overwhelming tides of negativity Preferable to be hollow Bleed my emotions lest they bleed me Drown my emotions lest they drown me Kill my emotions lest they kill me Bleed, drown, kill Peer into moribund eyes Drowning in vices, sedative devices Momentarily lulls the existential crisis I can feel your eyes judging incessantly Even so alone, paranoia takes me Cycles of abuse, emotional and substance Silence I had craved, acquired in abundance Buried in my rage and missed opportunities The cycles prevail, enter irrationality Often pondered what could’ve been Although life has hardly begun Of a structure that barely was Violently coming undone Often pondered accelerating The inevitabilities For my disappointments were so many Dreams contrived beyond an endless sea Destined for nothing, so it seems Failure this deep calls for an exit strategy Are my confines preferable to nothing at all? How could I rise when perpetual is the fall? I’ve lost all control, I’ve tasted timelessness No more solace to be found in my silence I’ve come to realize the root of my torment Scan the mind’s mirrors, visage abhorrent How could I mistake my mirth For a sign of weakness? And for so long, a beast of non-burden Anxiety condemning one to meekness How could I not succumb To misanthropy when I feel it’s just? Humanity is low, this I’ve discerned Helpless to the fact that we are dust to dust And nautically naive Nautically naive My innocence deceived And cast to an island on an ocean planet By nihilistic enchantment [III. AYAHUASCA TO THE DEAD] This life, it’s been all in my head A dance with the dead This life, it’s been all in my head All I’m left with is ayahuasca to the dead Swallowing the darkness That had swallowed me Exhaling the emptiness With what I’ll never see In this deep dream we call sentience Where all are but fantasies of each other Could one reclaim their free will From the intangible hands of their slumber? Is my logic overridden by emotion? [IV. SAGITTARIUS A] Those seeds have long since sprouted The proof is what I’ve become Long has my sustenance been its fruits Now apathetic, cynical, the soul is numbed I cut through and harvest the husk Of the least desirable traits With its timber, assembling a vessel Ambivalent and crude voyage awaits Into the fiery furnace This crucible melts impureness How else could one break the cycle? To be or not to be its disciple? Against my vast array of impulses Counterproductive in nature Venturing beyond my mental confines I seek to weigh which curse is greater The iniquities of the world I once observed Or the anchors of which my world consists? Haunting me as I waste away A mind occupied, a mind dismissed Occupied by hopelessness Dismissed by its architects If life is what you make of it Then I know my curse is the defect I’ve seen the weakest and darkest days Omertà, dominated by fear Perhaps born of these ailments Perhaps to them I’ll adhere Into the fiery furnace This crucible melts impureness How else could one break the cycle? To be or not to be its disciple? Dead inside, revitalized To brave the blackest sea Our ongoing quest to be content Marked with utmost uncertainty Where truth won’t set you free [V. BREATHING NECROPOLIS] Where once there was a mariner Acquainted with forever There now resides the breath it has drawn Let this be the swan song It takes an eternity to claim the world Shackled to the least splendorous truth It takes a bitter and gruelling end To be more than our mindless daze of youth Perhaps inhaled by infinity Like madness may simply be my destiny Perhaps the world is dust to dust Perhaps sentience has proven superfluous Scanning the waters cosmic in proportion Yet to find any meagre glimpse of fortune What we know as time restrains and frees It’s alone in knowing what fate awaits me Time that suffocates happiness Time that is priceless Setting sail against the gale Time, like flesh, is frail Where once there was a mariner Acquainted with forever There now resides the breath it has drawn (Let this be the swan song) A mariner lost pondering A fruitless conquering His cowardice, illusion all along This is his swan song For how else could one break the cycle? [VI. INFINITE TIME DILATION] This life, it was all in my head All I’m left with is ayahuasca to the dead If fear is our greatest enemy Then laughter is our greatest immunity Make what you will of this For all that you know will soon be eclipsed All that you love will soon be eclipsed

Phenomenal to be born (Free will is illusory) Now time must see these fibres torn (Ignorance seducing me) Every choice and every thought (Consciousness is but a pawn) Preprogrammed through genic rot (In life’s game as we fester on) Some only ponder this surface of skin Others say a man is but his brain Its flesh suit cradles an answer within Twofold helical of molecular domain For the sentient, a judgment made Feeling experienced or notion conceived Like all is a pawn in our DNA’s game Through its bidding do we all come to bleed As it withers Phenomenal to be born Against all odds to exist Now all that’s left is to keep these fibres untorn Although time cannot allow this A continuance instinct, like every perception Masterminded by a natural code Every thought and sensation Its product until the helical phenomena erodes It all sheds away Finite individualism, intuition’s call A schism dividing yourself from you To exist as a mind and a genetic thrall One outweighs the other, prehension askew With these blueprints in control Thought is but flesh, and power it does hold In this ego death, one might find comfort Or anxiety, this too determined through the genic mould Phenomenal to be born Now time must see these fibres torn Every choice and every thought Preprogrammed through genic rot Free will is illusory Ignorance seducing me Consciousness is but a pawn In life’s game as we fester on As to why sees no resolve But the helix withers to evolve Our framework is our opposition For it has designed us to destruct Architect of all emotion These ephemeral minds to instruct In this world, as abundant as empty space But beyond, one as rare as us An anomaly so commonplace Into two the helix cuts Phenomenal to be born Against all odds to exist Now all that’s left is to keep these fibres untorn Although time cannot allow this A continuance instinct, like every perception Masterminded by a natural code Every thought and sensation Its product until the helical phenomena erodes It all sheds away It all sheds away A life could never hope to be severed From the binds of its heredity To make sense of subconscious endeavour Exercise in futility Every story must once again be untold Every chapter must be lost in time Watching as superdeterminism unfolds Dismaying, humbling, then sublime Once more, the helix withers A continuance instinct, like every perception Masterminded by a natural code Every thought and sensation Its product until the helical phenomena erodes

Been looking forward to dying Time has never been so meaningless Cognition as corrupted as ever Concealing these curious incisions Yet it’s anguish that I’ve severed This desiccated vow Is one to lament I’ll never see hiatus From my discontent This desiccated vow Has taken my life to quell Strip me of my innocence And send me straight to hell Now all my days are spent Enlightened to the self destructive I’ve never been so close to death It’s never been this seductive We were born to punish ourselves We were conceived to suffer Now living to feel something else Desire and pain feeding off each other Been looking forward to dying Murder me Murder me dead Which of us will be forsaken? Who will see the ground first? Giving up this path we’ve taken Sentience: the greatest curse Murder me Put me down Which of us will be forsaken? Who will see the ground first? Every day that I live on It only gets worse

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Dare to think of all as time bombs Through the gaze of morbid eyes Brave the dark, and with sight gone Only now can you see the light In this crux burdened lifelong: The polarity of life and death Flooding dread of the unknown Drowns a bitter final breath Misbegotten survival For existence is terminal Flesh never could rival And all are dead on arrival (Dead on arrival) Embrace the polarity Living: The gauntlet tempers the steel And yet for naught is all prosperity Dying: Silence shrouds what is real We shall embrace this polarity The paradox: living is lethal We stoke illusions where nothing is certain The macrocosm's retrieval Frailty seeks to uplift such burdens In life, we balance upon needles Some draw the lines, others toil for clarity But in death, we'll prove equal Don't bide time to embrace this polarity Misbegotten survival For existence is terminal Flesh never could rival And all are dead on arrival Destiny of deprival In spite of instinct most primal Flesh never could rival And all are dead on arrival Embrace the polarity Living: The gauntlet tempers the steel And yet for naught is all prosperity Dying: Silence shrouds what is real We shall embrace this polarity Breathing: A function pondered vainly Sows life, yet it's proof of our frailty Ceasing tends to move one strangely Shifts their eyes across this duality Oblivion beckons as Satan to Eve Our minds are voracious, on darkness they feed Cognition awaits, eclipsed by our reach Where sun is the truth we must learn but not teach Oblivion beckons, Satan to Eve Our ravenous minds, on darkness they feed Cognition is lying, just out of reach Where sky is the truth, deaf to this speech Embrace the polarity Through omnipresence, drawing near our fates So trivial in essence, quests to mitigate the end Where we distract ourselves through our diligence Instead to further an ongoing quest for significance Until the hourglass sands stain with our macabre state Unconcerned by if we've succeeded to alleviate the end Let us distract ourselves through our diligence To find it's outweighed by a looming insignificance in the end All is outweighed in the end...

Justice denied Father Time does not wait Bitter tastes thy fate Surrender your mind Lest justice be denied Fruitlessness in seeking the absurd Such will never be nor has occurred Time has ways of siphoning one's will Life demands this balance be fulfilled But to feel alive is to elude the kill Abundance of life Sifts through aeons of death It's equilibrium In the cosmic breath Yet what we seek... is justice delayed turned justice denied Peer into moribund eyes, thou shan't find thy friend But only revelation that the beginning is the end Sentenced into nothingness, existing was the crime Contradicting the maxim to a ceaseless marching of time To live is to die Justice delayed, justice denied Inhaled by infinity, none spared and none saved A demigod status only widens the grave Liberty desired in perpetual delay Death, like this coda, brings us back to which we've strayed

Conflicting temperatures fracturing glass Apathetic cold against hellish wrath The glass pane shatters to reveal no soul With fractured conscience, seeking to be whole Severing hands to escape from shackles In a mental wasteland but ruins and jackals Rendered faceless with no facade Rendered soulless yet no longer flawed Now this is hell, there's no veneer And to think the worst still isn't found here This path I walk is to stifle such fear Where only in the dark can you see through the clear To dwell in these thoughts so they may go unspoken As their weight on the mind rends it asunder past broken Now dwelling in thoughts of what could have been If only I'd seen the beginning is the end Conflicting temperatures fracturing glass Apathetic cold against hellish wrath The glass pane shatters to reveal no soul With fractured conscience through this black hole Perhaps fear dies with us, as does all After all, existence is terminal May it be for you as it is for I For it's in this way all life begets life The boldest truth or the most comforting lie? As nocturne brings the ebb of sky Maranasati and atheus mortem Seconds are fleeting and yet who can afford them? Two contradictions in coexistence Bracing to trek the unfathomable distance For only in the dark can you see through the clear With this vessel dies fear Perhaps fear dies with us, as does all After all, existence is terminal As we pass on through the dilating eye For it's through this pull all life begets life Event horizon

I’ve seen earth suffocate unto final agony A requiem’s sanctity, formaldehyde sea Life passed me by as impromptu fantasy Marche Funèbre from my reliquary Hearkening to find, reality or mind? Is this death, or have I gone blind? Telltale is heartbeat, coffined, confined Paralyzed in sanity’s silent unwind What if I had mentioned The horrors I’ve conceived? Faint pounding of soil Tormentors: the bereaved Nocturne’s negation Vivisection salvation Four-chambered anxiety A prelude to eternity Eternity, go I’ve seen God, one who has since abandoned me Could such anguish truly be of His decree? Polonaise and waltz in this game of psyche I’ve composed the soundtrack to my mortality Woefully entombed, not to be exhumed Ruin has befallen, erroneously assumed Terminal opus, concerto for the doomed By gravest of my fears, this life has been consumed What if I had mentioned To rip my core from me? Faint pounding of soil Étude for incapacity This is my nightmare come true This is my nightmare come true Nocturne’s negation Vivisection salvation Four-chambered anxiety A prelude to eternity Four-chambered anxiety A prelude To eternity, go

I threw a kid into a basement He never got away He'd fight, he'd yell, he'd scream, he'd shout But nobody could save... him

Collect and drain the minds The husk frozen and left to die Hellbent to survive A shallow promise is their drive Numb, dehumanized Encased in a tomb made of ice Counting on their afterlife To validate the years sacrificed Necropolis retches the misanthrope These eyes have been frozen These minds are eroded Their faith has yet broken Their fate goes unspoken Where time can be bought and sold Who knew that Hell could’ve been this cold? A life spent in its mould Tale of a death to be told Wayward sense of worth Has become one again with the Earth Frozen lives already died Save their blood clots and silent cries Necropolis retches the misanthrope These eyes have been frozen These minds are eroded Their faith has yet broken Their fate goes unspoken (Trapped) In lifetimes of bruises (Trapped) A suffering, fruitless (Trapped) A life spent withholding (Trapped) As fate is unfolding Feigning life Icebound in Sightless Hell Mer des yeaux These eyes have been frozen These minds are eroded The soul has been broken Still, fate goes unspoken In lifetimes of bruises A suffering, fruitless A life spent withholding As fate is unfolding…

Waking to a greater hell everyday Trying to hold on to what makes us human Knowing, feeling how sanity frays And any given juncture’s slow consuming Much further from birth than death A giving of boundless depth I might be living Wasting breath This might be life But I am much closer to death This is the closer to the end Imminent infinite return Why is it so taboo To admit that you’re afraid? Primitive repulsion Life aware is life dismayed A grave is a portal to the stars Of which we are Life within a reservoir Of infinite capacity Balance is the synthesis Of being and nothingness Garrulous antithesis Futile tenacities

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